Labyrinth: Draft vs. Screen

Sometimes, the best thing to do with a show or a movie is to watch it with the script in your hand (or on your laptop screen...bonus points if you can do that and have a notebook at the ready all at once). That way, you can (usually) see how what's on the page translates to what's on the screen. It's pretty fun, provided you've seen the film or TV episode once or twice.

So, when I went to do this the first time, I chose the 80s cult classic, Labyrinth. It was my first introduction to "bad", vaguely Celtic mythology-esque creatures like Hoggle the Goblin, and of course, my first introduction to David Bowie. To me, I'll always think of him first and foremost as Jareth, King of the Goblins and ruler of the Labyrinth.

Up to that point of script-reading, I'd been fortunate enough to read final, or close to final, drafts of most films I was studying - thank you, Vancouver Film School. So imagine my surprise when the script of Labyrinth I found was... decidedly different.

Which makes it a great example for talking about script notes and suggested changes, because if you're familiar with the film (and you should be - embrace the 80s cheesy and David Bowie and glitter with all your heart), reading the script draft is very eye-opening - or was for me.

Characters, as one can imagine, are vital to any story. Blake Snyder has his "save the cat", Joseph Campbell has a book on the Hero's Journey... to name two well-known resources. Recently, I participated in a scriptwriting challenge and had access to a pared-down, free version of The Craft Course, and, you guessed it, the big focus was character.

Making the characters further the plot instead of the plot furthering the characters is an issue I come across quite often - if not almost always - in the scripts I provide notes for. And Sarah, Draft Sarah vs Film Sarah, is a great example of how those characters can come about.

Since I'll be using Labyrinth for the examples of this post, it'll probably help if you've seen the film at least once.

It's okay. I'll wait.

Welcome back!

In the beginning of the film, Sarah's pretty relatable. She's a teen girl wanting to be somewhere other than where she is. Her stepmother is strict and, through her harsh words, furthers tension in a situation Sarah gets herself in to (being late to come home) and refuses to accept responsibility for. Sarah feels trapped, confined by expectations of babysitting her baby brother Toby. So she tells a story to the baby of a girl who had been granted powers by the Goblin King (who was, of course, in love with her), and Sarah wishes her brother away.

She doesn't expect anything to happen, but her brother's kidnapped by Jareth the Goblin King, and she's given 13 hours to solve his Labyrinth. If she doesn't, she loses her brother forever. No pressure, right? So off she goes, making allies, learning about herself, and getting involved in a few musical numbers along the way.

In the draft of the script, however, things are much different. Though the story still opens with her being late, her fantasy world is much more focused on confronting and besting a Prince. When she's late, instead of "This isn't fair!", Sarah blames the dog, yelling at it before starting to run back home without it. She's rude to her stepmother, who is much less confrontational, and Sarah comes off as whiny, irresponsible, and mean. At one point later on in the early draft, instead of searching for her missing companions, she makes the decision to almost literally say, "I don't have time for you" and continues on her way. Instead of sympathizing with her, the audience is far more likely to dislike her, from first impression to the end of the story. This is a big problem. Why do we want to watch someone we don't like?

In the early draft, Sarah lets a stranger, who later reveals himself to be the Goblin King, into her house. He puts on a bit of a show and then steals the baby. Sarah only has a chance to rescue her brother because she grabs at his cloak. From then on, aside from deciding to go into the maze with Hoggle tagging along, Sarah reacts to everything. At a quick glance, she seems to be taking action and being proactive, but aside from her moment of triumph (where she declares she doesn't need things, like a beloved teddy bear), she's rescued by others or going along with the suggestion of others. Though she grows a bit more certain of what she's doing, Sarah doesn't change much, and thus the emotional beats (reconciling with Hoggle, leaving her newfound friends to fight Jareth alone, Hoggle getting gravely injured) don't make as much of an impact as they do in the film version. At the end, she leaves her new friends (one of whom is almost certainly going to die from his injury) to confront Jareth with nothing to indicate she's upset about the probability she'll never see them again.

So, starting with Sarah herself, several changes to her character come to mind. If you have a character who seems to be all reaction and very little action, it can seem like a daunting task to change "everything" about your protagonist. However, the changes don't have to be quite so dramatic. Sarah can still be flawed - still be late, still whine about things not being fair, and why do things always happen to her - but it serves both the character and the story if she's actively trying to do something about the things that happen. Sarah, and any protagonist, should be at least partly responsible for getting themselves into the mess they have to get out of. In both the draft and the film, Sarah causes Jareth to show up at her place. However, in the film, the damage has already been done by her wishing her baby brother away. She is the reason Jareth appears. Sarah pleads for her brother back, and Jareth gives her an option - forget the baby and have her dreams, or solve the Labyrinth. Sarah chooses the daunting task of solving a Labyrinth, and the story continues.

Throughout her journey through the maze, she does things that get her in to trouble. In the early draft, there's a lot of walking and talking, and I began to skim through the script looking for the next "big" action scene - it started to lose me. The trick is to keep the reader engaged, and the film does that by sprinkling in a few more confrontations with Jareth himself - which Sarah makes worse as she stands up to him and almost taunts him in return. Admirable, when Hoggle is quaking in fear beside her, and yes it gets her in to more trouble. But do we like her for it? Does it keep the audience wanting to see what happens next? For me, the answer is a big "yes"! It would be boring if things worked out for her all the time, but the thing to take note of is that Sarah's now driving the story. She's why things happen the way they do. Hoggle, too, makes his own choices - when he's cornered by Jareth, he acts. Again, not always a good thing for the characters themselves (though it does lead to a lovely music number) but the point is, even the secondary characters are making choices and acting on them.

The biggest challenge and change for Sarah arguably occurs in the Ballroom Scene. In the early draft, she wanders through a ballroom full of beautiful men and women (and a lot of innuendo with a heavy dash of "wink wink nudge nudge" regarding what some of those men and women are doing). She watches herself dance with Jareth and nearly becomes lost in the fantasy before shaking herself free of the illusions and leaving the fantasy world. There's very little sense of danger here, not many consequences to be seen. Those stakes need to be raised, especially as the story itself is getting ready to gear up for the final confrontation. If we're not worried she may not make it, why do we care how she acts and what she does? That needs to change, and in the film, it has - she's actively dancing with Jareth, dressed up, getting lost in the waltz and the Goblin King's serenade and promises of love and devotion. However, as she dances, she realizes just what's happening and how little time she has left, and she fights to break free of Jareth and push through the crowds of people. She then picks up a chair and literally shatters the illusion. She breaks herself out of the spell she's been put under.

Now, though I wish I had been in that writers' room, I don't know how many drafts Labyrinth went through before it made it to production. The main story beats are there, but a lot of it has been rearranged. In the film, Sarah makes mistakes, but after a few "It's not fair!" declarations, she accepts that sometimes that's how things are, and she eventually solves the labyrinth and rescues her brother, to return home - with the reward of being able to see her friends again.

Are there still problems with the story that made it to the film? Yes. Were the changes made from the early draft to the filmed version for the better? I would argue very strongly that it most definitely did. So, while Labyrinth may not be your cup of tea (I'll try not to judge you too much), I recommend getting your hands on a script of something you enjoy and play Spot The Difference. It's fun, I promise!

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